Better Offer?

The things I do – whilst waiting for a better offer!

“A Chilli Night At The Bobs”

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With the Easter Monday Fiery Food Festival behind us, we decided, we being the group who had attended this most heated of events, that we couldn’t possibly let the day end on the Hove Lawns.  No, it seemed only right that an evening spent eating the nice – whoops, not allowed to say nice (more later) – it seemed only right that an evening spent eating the spice is what I meant to say.  The spice being chilli of course.

Now we weren’t just going to get together to eat a chilli – that would be ridiculous, beside which, we had spent all day eating chillies.  The chilli we were going to eat this time was of the con carne version.

Seven of us went to the festival, She Who Must Be Obeyed, Chef, NUTTY, The Kid, The Coconut, Queenie and myself.  Chef is obviously so called because he can cook.  Not just cook, he is a mighty fine cook.  It’s not what he does by day, but when he leaves his plumbing equipment alone, he can knock up a pretty mean meal!  😉

And a pretty mean chilli con carne he knocked up!  Served up with some of his home made chilli sauce on the side.

For this fine feast we were joined by Nursey, wife of Chef, and their second daughter, Tiny Dancer.

I have decided to call Chef’s wife Nursey, for two reasons, firstly she is one, and secondly, at dinner last night she kept calling the seventh member of the fiery fest team Queenie.  I had never met Queenie before that afternoon, but the conversation at times reminded me of the great sitcom ‘Black Adder’ and now I can’t stop thinking about this exchange of dialog:

Nursey:  “You almost were a boy, my little cherry pip.

Queenie:  “What?

Nursey:  “Yeah, out you popped, out of your mummy’s tumkin and everyone shouted, ‘It’s a boy! It’s a boy!’, then somebody said, ‘but he doesn’t have a winkle.’ Then, I said, ‘A boy without a winkle? God be praised it’s a miracle: a boy without a winkle!’ And then, Sir Thomas Moore pointed out that a boy without a winkle is a girl. And everyone was really disappointed.

Tiny Dancer is not really a reference to Elton John’s song of the same name, although there are some interesting lyrical links.  For example, Tiny Dancer does have a lovely smile, her eyes really light up.  She is also dating a young man in a band, so the following lines could be quite appropriate:

Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you’ll marry a music man

Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand

Tiny Dancer is perhaps a little vertically challenged, not to her detriment, and is on the verge of joining one of the countries top dancing academies.

NUTTY is the eldest daughter and her nickname is not a reference to her character (although it does fit!) but is a reference to her training to become a teacher.  She is hoping to teach youngsters, the small ones, not youngsters the teenagers.  She will obviously have to join the union – National Union of Teachers or NUT and as she will be teaching the small ones, you could call them Tiny Youths – NUTTY.

The Bobs is the collective name for Chef, Nursey, NUTTY and Tiny Dancer, because of their surname – and no, it’s not Roberts, it’s something much more tenuous which I am not about to reveal here!

That leaves two.

The Kid is the next door neighbour of The Bobs, and although he acts like one, his name is actually a reference to an American band who first hit the UK charts in the early 1980’s, Kid Creole & The Coconuts.  It all came from someone getting his real name wrong and has since become his persona.

The Coconut is the fiancée of The Kid and is only called coconut because of the backing singers.  Although there is nothing these two like to do more than fire up their Sing Star and spend the evening singing away to their favourite songs.

These two are to be married later this year in the month which is Kid Creole’s real name – August!  The Coconut lives in fear of The Kid describing her in his post wedding speech as looking ‘nice’ and now we have all been banned from using that word so that it is erased from his vocabulary.

A great time was had by all as the wine flowed.  The conversation got more and more ridiculous and the evening headed towards the potato vodka.  One slight concern though – despite the fact that we were occasionally talking about the ramblings on this blog, She Who Must Be Obeyed still didn’t cotton on to the fact that it exists or that she often features on the pages!

Oh well, ignorance is bliss!


Author: Better Offer

I am approaching my saga years (rapidly)! Correction, I have now reached my saga years! I am a thespian who has appeared in commercials and films and on TV, and love my time on stage but am extremely frustrated that I get most my work as an amateur. When not on stage I can be found walking the countryside, leading worship at my local church or running IT training courses and fixing PCs – just waiting for that better offer!

One thought on ““A Chilli Night At The Bobs”

  1. Or possibly ignorance is storing up a time-bomb! Never mind there’s always the shed!

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