Better Offer?

The things I do – whilst waiting for a better offer!

“Double Entendre King”

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You all know this person; he’s the man that can turn any innocent comment into some sort of sexual connotation.  You must have one in your circle of friends.

Well, I have one such friend, The Squire, who has the ability to make any conversation cringe worthy.  And boy does he use that ability! 

Picture the scene.  You are in a marquee.  It is full of young impressionable teenage girls.  There are also some young teenage boys and one or two people who left their teens some years back, myself included.  And of course, The Squire, who, despite physically leaving his teenage years more than the eldest possible teen age ago, still acts like a teenager!

The Squire had spotted the maker’s name of the marquee on a label near one of the joins in the canvas.  To all around him it was just that, the maker’s name.  No one else had spotted the possible double entendre you could have with it.  In fact, no one else had even noticed the label!

The young girls were in costumes for an event we were involved in.  Their costumes were a tight fit.  The Squire never misses an opportunity to make lecherous comments and this was one such opportunity!

Pointing to the label, The Squire announced in full voice “I’ll bet every man in here is in that state”.

Obviously, without seeing the label, that comment means nothing.  Now, if I tell you the name on label, and with young girls in tight costumes in mind, can you see what had amused The Squire?  The maker’s name was Dickson Constant.

Get it?  No?  Well I’m not about to explain it!

As you would expect, it didn’t stop there.  We were spending the whole day in the company of people The Squire could chat to.  We were playing hosts at an event.  We had to talk to people, that was our remit.  However, there were all sorts of people from groups of men to families, from youngsters to the more mature.  We could talk to anyone, but who did The Squire hone in on?  Yes, you’ve guessed it, the young ladies!

And once again, innocently chatting to a couple of young ladies, making sure they were alright, enjoying their day, a double entendre came out of left field.

The young lady concerned had just told us about her father being a pig farmer, and that she loves the summer because of it.

Because of what?  Well, the young lady told us in all innocence that because her father was a pig farmer, she got pork everyday!

I had to walk away.

Sometimes I wish he’d keep his thoughts to himself!


Author: Better Offer

I am approaching my saga years (rapidly)! Correction, I have now reached my saga years! I am a thespian who has appeared in commercials and films and on TV, and love my time on stage but am extremely frustrated that I get most my work as an amateur. When not on stage I can be found walking the countryside, leading worship at my local church or running IT training courses and fixing PCs – just waiting for that better offer!

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