Better Offer?

The things I do – whilst waiting for a better offer!

“What A Weekend! – Part 1”

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My weekend started early – Thursday evening to be precise!

My good friend Chef was having a corporate sailing day, a regatta, with his company on the Friday and two of his colleagues dropped out at the last minute.  So, like the good friend that he is, he immediately thought of two of his friends to take the vacant places and accompany him.  I was one of the lucky two, along with Chef’s next door neighbour, The Kid.

The corporate day included a BBQ the night before the sailing extravaganza, so Chef picked us up and drove us all to Port Solent for 7pm.  And what is the first thing that happens on corporate days out?  Someone produces the company credit card and goes straight to the bar!

There were plenty of people milling around, all having arrived early.  Some had travelled from far off towns, whilst others, like us, had only travelled about forty miles.  However, with sixty boats due to take part in the regatta, and a minimum of seven crew plus the skipper per boat, the bar was quite busy.

That didn’t prevent the credit cards being flashed around!

Long, cold pints were the order of this warm, balmy evening.  What could be nicer than sitting port side with a cold pint in ones hand watching the sun set over the masts as the gentle breeze rustles through the flags?

A large marquee had been erected to one side of the bar and the enticing waft of meat being cooked over charcoal was teasing us as we waited for the dinner gong to sound.  We didn’t have to wait long before that wonderful smell was converted into some tantalising tastes.  From the homemade style coleslaw to the chilli sausages and the ribs, we were treated to an excellent start to our evening.

Could the evening get any better?

Sadly, no!

I’d like to say we were entertained by a wonderful duo singing everything from Frank Sinatra to Lady Gaga.  I’d like to!

To be fair, the female singer wasn’t bad.  She was a cross between Cher and Maria Carey.  Picture it if you dare.  She had the body of Maria Carey now that she has ‘filled out’ a bit and the hair of Cher.  She could certainly handle all the songs she had in her repertoire.  Not only that, but she was the technical expert in the duo as well.  It was her job to cue up all the backing tracks and adjust the sound.

The male singer was OK when he sang rat pack style songs, but unfortunately he only sang two songs before being replaced by the girl!

Then he returned to the small stage in a very red, very tight, all in one ‘Elvis’ style jump suit.  He was definitely going for the ‘near-the-end-of-his-life’ Elvis look.  And he succeeded especially in the belly department!

I am being very unfair, because he wasn’t bad doing the Elvis songs either.  In fact up to this point the pair of them had entertained us pretty well, but it was the finale that rather ruined the evening.

They decided to give ‘Elvis’ an encore, but it was to be a duet.  They chose New York, New York.  And it was very clear from the outset, that ‘Elvis’ didn’t know the song.  He started to sing the wrong words to the wrong tune.  The girl joined in with the correct words and tune.  It was all getting very messy.  Then she started to mouth the words to him when it was his turn to sing alone again.

Thankfully, the backing track came to an end which meant the singers also had to stop.  It was just a shame that they didn’t really get to the end of the song either together, or with the music!

The girl then asked us to put our hands together one more time for Elvis.  We already had our hands together – praying the music would stop!  😉

And so to bed, but I think I’ll leave that story to part two!


Author: Better Offer

I am approaching my saga years (rapidly)! Correction, I have now reached my saga years! I am a thespian who has appeared in commercials and films and on TV, and love my time on stage but am extremely frustrated that I get most my work as an amateur. When not on stage I can be found walking the countryside, leading worship at my local church or running IT training courses and fixing PCs – just waiting for that better offer!

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