Better Offer?

The things I do – whilst waiting for a better offer!

“The Kid Shies His Coconut!”

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A busy weekend loomed for The Kid and his incredibly soon to be wife, The Coconut, being, as it was, the weekend of their wedding.

Not content, like most couples, with just enjoying the wedding celebrations on the day of the ceremony, they decided to make a weekend of it.  A very long weekend of it!  It all started on the Thursday night; dinner with their neighbours and good friends, The Bobs; followed on Friday by the wedding rehearsal and dinner with family and friends.  Obviously Saturday was the main event, but Sunday turned into a very long day, starting with breakfast at whatever time the guests surfaced; then relaxing in the hotel, with the odd beverage, followed by another dinner in the evening.

Needless to say, there were some very tired individuals slumped over the dinner tables come eight o’clock Sunday evening, not to mention the odd person suffering from alcohol abuse.

However, everyone had a thoroughly good and entertaining time over one or more of the days.

The wedding ceremony itself was held in a good old fashioned church with a good old fashioned vicar.  However, the town and date selected for the ceremony clashed with a major annual event on the south coast in which various flying machines always attract many thousands of people.  And these many thousands of people all converge on the small local airport.  The town; Shoreham-By-Sea, the event; The Shoreham Air Show.

It is not a weekend to want to travel through this town as all roads are normally heavily congested.  To expect wedding guests, who probably don’t know the area, to not only find the church, but to navigate their way through the heavy traffic whilst remaining calm is a tall order.  Added to that, they would be expected to turn up fresh and not all sweaty having sat in the hot August sun in a car which had not been moving for several minutes at a time.

And what about the poor bride and bridal party, also expected to turn up on time, or at least only a few, fashionable minutes late?  Not to mention their drivers who were not only smartly dressed but probably slightly stressed as well.  One of those drivers was Chef who had purchased a light coloured linen suit especially for the occasion.  Unfortunately for him, despite the lack of sunshine, it was still a warm, muggy day.  Normally that wouldn’t worry anyone in a linen suit, but the trousers had a nylon lining in the upper leg area which was enough to make the trousers stick where he really didn’t want them sticking!

Well, The Kid and The Coconut were well and truly prepared.  They organised a coach to pick people up from the reception venue, and take them, en masse, to the church.  The groom, himself, opted to take the coach to ensure he was at least at the church when his bride to be turned up.

Organised as they were, they overlooked one small detail.

What happens in the unlikely event of no traffic delays?  Surely this scenario would not play itself out on this glorious summer’s day with the air show in full flight!

Well, it did.  There was no sun.  There was no traffic.  Nobody sat in a hot car for hours getting sweaty.  Nobody turned up late.  In fact it was quite the opposite, everyone turned up far too early.  So early in fact, that the coach made an unscheduled stop at a pub.  Imagine being the landlord of that pub, having 53 people suddenly turn up together wanting refreshment and all wanting it at the same time!

And as for the bride and bridal party, they just pulled over and waited in a side street. 

There are only so many times a driver can drive you round the block!


Author: Better Offer

I am approaching my saga years (rapidly)! Correction, I have now reached my saga years! I am a thespian who has appeared in commercials and films and on TV, and love my time on stage but am extremely frustrated that I get most my work as an amateur. When not on stage I can be found walking the countryside, leading worship at my local church or running IT training courses and fixing PCs – just waiting for that better offer!

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