I rarely get angry, and I don’t swear. I’m just not that sort of person. Having said that, I could so easily have lost it completely when She Who Must Be Obeyed arrived home from work one evening last week.
Not, I hastily add, with her!
She Who Must Be Obeyed had been working in the eastern half of our home county. She had been to two different locations around twenty miles from our home. At the first location, she had used a public car park and at the second location, she had parked in the street.
At one of these locations some mindless scum; some half wit; some cretin; some [insert any expletive here] decided to play a prank on the unsuspecting driver of a car. And of course the car chosen was the one being driven by She Who Must Be Obeyed.
It must have taken the entire single brain cell this mindless scum possesses to dream up such a witty prank. And I suspect they must have asked their supervising carer to purchase the equipment they required to carry out this most excellent jape! They certainly wouldn’t be allowed to wander round the shops unsupervised; it wouldn’t be fair to them or to society.
I also suspect they told their carer that they wanted this equipment as part of a fancy dress outfit. Maybe they thought about attending the recent Harry Potter premiere. Either that or they were preparing early, extremely early, for Halloween.
So what was the high tech equipment used to conjure up such a wizardly wheeze?
A broomstick (possibly a Firebolt)
A long black/grey wig (either Dumbledore’s long hair and beard or maybe the tail of the legendary Thestral!)
It looked like the hair had been poked up the exhaust pipe with the broomstick far into the silencer, and every time She Who Must Be Obeyed drove the car, several feet of the stuff was expelled, maybe by using the spell “Expelliarmus” (actually I think that spell was used to disarm your opponent, but it sounds like it should be used to get rid of something!) and trailed behind the vehicle as if the car had grown a tail. Every time She Who Must Be Obeyed returned home, I was tasked with extracting the latest length.
It took five days of lengthy journeys before we finally saw the end of the tail.
As it turns out, this whole episode has ended up in quite a humorous way. Although sadly though, for me, I am not the one having the last laugh. Hours before I published this latest post, She Who Must Be Obeyed made reference on her Facebook status to the ever growing tail. Yes, she did sign up and has discovered some of my posts but has yet to read anything she feels worthy of chastising me over and cutting off anything valuable!! (See this post)
Minutes after making her comment, some kind soul then responded as to what this tail could be. And if correct (subject to a visit to the garage) it will mean that there had been no mindless scum involved in this wheeze at all and that the hair that was growing from the rear of the car was actually the exhaust sound deadening material!
It seems part of the exhaust system has corroded and is releasing the sound proofing.
Now, apart from purchasing a new exhaust, I have to issue an apology to the mindless scum; the half wit; the cretin; the [insert your earlier expletive here] I was blaming at the beginning of this post. Perhaps I should also credit them with more than one brain cell!
I’m off to lie down in a darkened room to calm down and maybe read a manual on exhaust systems so that I’m not fooled again. Maybe I’ll try a transfiguration spell on myself to turn myself into a mechanic! 😉