Today has been one of those days when all the numpties seemed to be in my way at one time or another! And we’re only half way through the day.
WARNING – There now follows a grumpy old man alert!!!
My normal Thursday routine was impacted this morning because the Small Persons had their routine disrupted. It was through no fault of theirs, but it did mean that my day had to start differently. The start to my normal Thursday was effectively delayed by 90 minutes whilst I waited for the two of them to complete their morning rituals (how can small people occupy a bathroom for so long?).
After my delay, I took to the road to go about my normal business and within two miles of my house, I found myself in a traffic jam. As I turned off a roundabout and entered a dual carriageway, I suddenly found nose to tail traffic where normally the road would be clear. Naturally, it was not clear why there was so much traffic and there was no way to see to the front of the queue to see what was causing the jam. After a few minutes of going nowhere, an ambulance approached from behind. It seemed there was an accident ahead.
A minute or two later, another ambulance approached from behind – this had the makings of a major incident and the possibility of a lengthy wait loomed. With this in mind I sat back, feeling guilty that my patience was being tested, whilst further along the road someone could be seriously hurt!
Slowly the traffic edged forward and as it did, into view came a road works sign informing drivers that one lane ahead was closed. This clearly was not as a result of the accident but may have contributed to the accident. Another few feet were successfully negotiated before coming face to face with the inevitable row of cones forcing drivers to one lane.
In the distance I could see people wearing high visibility jackets and a police car. However, I could see no sign of the two ambulances which had recently passed me. Nor could I see any blue flashing lights.
This didn’t seem quite right!
Soon I was almost level with the police car and the cause of the delay. It wasn’t road works, and it wasn’t an accident.
It was a census!
Having cleared the census point, I seemed to be stuck behind every numpty driver in the county. Drivers who couldn’t decide which lane they needed to be in; drivers who entered a roundabout in first gear and went all the way round without indicating and without changing gear; drivers coming from the opposite direction who couldn’t slow down to pass a cyclist but forced their way through the gap at high speed with half the car on the wrong side of the road!
Drivers who speed up to your tail, pull out and sit adjacent to you, matching your speed, whilst you are stuck behind the car in front who suddenly seems to have lost all power and is driving slower than is feasibly possible!
After a while I abandoned the car and took to walking. Obviously I didn’t just abandon the car where I was – I completed my business and took it home.
However, I was in such a hurry, I forgot to put the insoles, which counter my plantar fasciitis (see here), into my shoes. This was something I didn’t realise until I found myself limping along!
What I also discovered was that the numpties weren’t purely confined to the cars on the road. No, they were also in charge of motorised buggies which are allowed on pavements. One of the owners of said contraptions was so impatient to get in front of me, they clipped my hand with their handlebars as they passed. Not content with coming extremely close to me, once passed, they pulled in directly in front of me and stopped because they had reached their destination forcing me into an abrupt halt!
Now, with throbbing feet, a sore hand and bruised shins, I decided to call it a day and headed home, but not before being driven off the pavement by some wayward pushchair pushing, an inconsiderate cyclist and people who decide it is OK to walk side by side in a group and not move over when another pavement user approaches!
I need a lie down. In a darkened room. With my feet up being massaged!